Sexual Urges: How to Control Sexual Desire

Sexual desire is also a consequence of our thoughts and actions. How to Control Your Urge to Have Sex? Read the 05 best tips with which you can manage sexual urges and reduce excessive behaviours while maintaining healthy sexual activities.

Sex drive, otherwise known as libido, refers to a person’s desire for sexual activity and arises from the basic biological need to reproduce. It is a normal feeling that anyone can experience, whether a person wants to reproduce or not.

Levels of libido exist on a spectrum, from no desire for sex at all to wanting to engage in sexual activity very often.

Compulsive Sexual Urges and Behaviour – How to Manage It?

What constitutes a normal sex drive differs for everyone, and people are likely to desire sex more at different times in their lives.

Sex drive depends on factors such as:

• age
• mental health status
• energy levels
• physical health status
• relationship status
• social interactions
• medication, alcohol, or drug use

Age and hormones

Hormonal changes play a big role in sexual desire.

For young people, hormonal surges caused by puberty can trigger feelings of sexual desire for the first time. Hormones will continue to affect a person’s libido throughout their life. Some older research also suggests an association between higher testosterone levels in men and having a higher sex drive. 

Mental health

Stress levels can also influence how sexually a person feels aroused. In times of high stress, some people might feel low sexual desire, while others might seek sexual satisfaction as a stress reliever.

Physical fitness and energy levels

It has found that physically fit people are more likely to desire sex and enjoy heightened arousal and better orgasms.

Relationships

Having enjoyable sexual experiences, either with others or through masturbation, might also lead to an increased desire for sex. Intimacy between sexual partners has been shown to have a significant effect on the male sex drive.

On the other hand, if a person is unable to feel satisfied — either through a lack of sex or unsatisfying sexual experiences — their sex drive might also increase. 

Substance use

Alcohol consumption lowers inhibitions, which might increase libido in the short term. However, alcohol dependency might decrease sexual arousal, performance, and satisfaction.

The use of stimulant drugs, such as cocaine, may also increase sexual desire but has links to increased “risky” sex in men who have sex with men and in young adults.

Sex Addiction, Hyper sexuality and Compulsive Sexual Behaviour

Feeling the urge to have sex is a normal part of human nature. However, these feelings can sometimes interfere with daily life and relationships, sometimes in a very detrimental way. Finding ways to control your sexual urges may help you improve your quality of life, your relationships, and your productivity. You can learn to avoid situations that make you have sexual urges. You can talk to others about your concerns, even seeking professional help if you feel your sexual urges are negatively impacting your life.

Having a high sex drive is not a problem unless it excessively preoccupies a person’s thoughts. For example, a person might wish to reduce their sex drive if it:

• interferes with their work, social life, sleep, or health
• affects their mental health
• is difficult to feel satisfied, no matter how much sexual activity they have
• affects the quality of their relationships
• causes them to seek “risky” sex

Factors That Can Contribute to Sexual Desire, or the Lack of Sexual Desire

What controls the sex drive is actually a very complex intertwining of biological, psychological, and social-cultural influences. “All of that comes together to create the sex drive. Some of it is not well understood, but we do know that certain ducks have to be in a row.

• Abuse of alcohol and drugs
• Anxiety, stress, and depression
• Disease
• Fatigue level
• History of sexual abuse
• Life circumstances
• Medication
• Menopause
• Quality and novelty of relationship
• Religious mandates
• Sensory stimuli

It often stands unmet, because of competitive lifestyles, leaving no room for personal gratification. In such cases, controlling your urge can become difficult.

 The following article will show you how you can do so.

1. Acceptance

The first step to control your sexual urges is to accept that there is no shame in feeling this way. Most societal norms deem these urges as moral depravity and force us to bury these feelings, instead of accepting it as a part of life. We are born to believe that sex is sin and sexual urges are an abomination. These urges are nothing but physical needs which only seek fulfilment, in some way or the other. Instinctually, man cannot abort sexual thoughts. With this acceptance and a strong desire to curb it, you can keep your feelings in control.

2. Identify the triggers for your sexual urges.

Spend some time thinking about your behaviour and what leads you to have sexual impulses. Think about triggering stimuli, the time of day, as well as the environment in which you tend to have these urgings. See if there are any patterns that emerge in your behaviour.

If you have discovered a pattern, figure out how you can break the cycle with new behaviours or lifestyle changes. For example, you may notice that you feel most overwhelmed with sexual urges in the evenings and on weekends — when you are not working and don’t have anything to do. You may decide to take up a new hobby in order to keep your mind off sex.

Perhaps you are triggered by stimuli in your environment. If you find yourself aroused by steamy love scenes in movies, for example, it may be best to watch other kinds of non-romantic films until you can get a better grip on your urges.

Consider keeping a journal of your actions and behaviour leading up to sexual urges. A journal can help you identify triggers and patterns.

3. Will Power

When it is considered that with enough will power, one can move a mountain, controlling sexual urges on the same plane should ideally be anyone’s cup of tea. While it is impossible to obliterate sexual thoughts completely, curbing the intensity to a bare minimum will help you get through the day without distractions. A mental reminder can serve as ample inspiration to help you power through the day without being tempted.

4. Seek Help

If nothing seems to get your mind off sex, this might be the start of a potential problem. If you are in a relationship, try to talk to your partner about these unmet needs. Maybe with regular intercourse, these urges will successfully be siphoned off. If not, then consult your doctor for psychological counselling to find a way out of these extensive urges. Obsessive thinking can be relieved with medication and therapy.

5. Be aware of your needs

There are basic relational needs all of us have such as connection, intimacy, being known, etc., and oftentimes masturbation can act as a comfort or quick fix to us when any one, some, or all of these needs go unmet.

Masturbation is often an intimacy issue. It is crucial, for women, to feel known and to feel valued; without these, many women use masturbation as a way to feel loved, wanted, sexy, and seen, if only for a moment. Men may often feel the desire to masturbate when they have felt powerless, or disrespected. 

Sexual urges come naturally to everyone but not having to control it leads to major issue. These extra urges can be controlled with meditation, good talk with professional help, counselling therapy, medications, regular exercise, good healthy diet and avoiding the triggering environment.

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