Sexual Needs / Sexual desire is an emotion and motivational state characterized by an interest in sexual objects or activities, or to get engaged in sexual activities. The expression of sexual desire — our conscious feelings and our performances of sexuality — is far more complex than just trying to have babies. Sexuality is the expression of desire, and the aspect of desire we can access, manipulate, and enjoy. Physical manifestations of sexual desire in humans include licking, sucking, tongue protrusion, and puckering and touching the lips.
Sexual desire is the first of four phases of the human sexual response cycle, followed by arousal, orgasm, and resolution. All these for stages are important to when it comes to enjoy sex and having a satisfied physical relationship. It is these desire that makes a person fall for another person; desire can be mere attraction to the persons physical appearance like movie stars or to his or her personality. These desire drives a person to make a move that connects him closer to the person he loves. The first efforts towards physical intimacy are also a result of these desires.
Difference of sexual needs between men and women-
There have been many researches where it has been seen that men do get heated really fast and in other hand women have sexual arousal slowly. It has also seen in studies that men think about sex at least once in a day but other hand women have low rate of libido. Men look sexual desires for sex and orgasm but women see sex for better sexual and emotional intimacy. All these make physical intimacy difficult for the couple who desire different things from their relationship.
Men have every incentive to have sex to pass along their genetic material. By contrast, women may be hard-wired to choose their partners carefully, because they are the ones who can get pregnant and wind up taking care of the baby. They are likely to be more attuned to relationship quality because they want a partner who will stay around to take care of the child. They’re also more likely to choose a man with resources because of his greater ability to support a child. This makes women more complex when it comes to choose a partner for family.
Factors affecting sexual needs-
- Social and emotional influences
- Past traumatic physical encounters.
- Medical interventions like surgery etc.
- Religious views
- Having impractical sexual fantasies
Why it is hard to talk about sexual needs –
Communicating about your sexual desire is crucial for a satisfying sex life, but it can be one of the hardest things for couples to do. Research shows that turning down a partner’s sexual overtures or talking about what you like and don’t like can be challenging. It requires sharing very private aspects of you, which can be uncomfortable. These discussions can also spark painful emotions, like embarrassment or shame, and can fuel conflict.
Even though sexual conversations can be tough to navigate, exploring these issues effectively is worthwhile. People who are secure in their relationship are more likely to talk about intimate topics and to experience fulfilling sexual lives. You might also be worried that talking will destroy the magic. It is important to pick the right moment to raise sensitive matters.
Here are some points that can make talking about sexual needs difficult-
- Not the right place or time to discuss the topic
- Too much distraction
- Not to listen other point of view
- Feel too embarrassed or hurt
- Think that always you are right without listening properly
- Talking about this issue in bedroom just before or after sex
- Always start a fight/conflict in name of discussion
Tips that might help you to have a healthy sexual needs discussion with your partner-
1) Picking the right time- While the temptation might be to have this conversation as soon as possible, it’s best to think about when the right time is and where the right place might be to talk about this. It’s not a good idea to discuss these problems before you’re about to have sex or after you’ve just had sex.
2) From where to start the conversation- Consider going for a walk to somewhere quiet where you can talk privately, or sit down in a room other than the bedroom. Try to make sure there won’t be any other people around, because it can bring the conversation to a halt if someone else is there to hear what you’re saying. Always start from positive note.
3) How to start the conversation- Try not to spring the conversation on your partner; because they could be thrown off if they’re not expecting it. Instead, you could tell them that you’d like to talk about your sexual intimacy and ways to make it better for both of you.
4) Avoid blame- The conversation is not likely to go anywhere if you try to blame the other person for these problems. Acknowledge that you’re both in this together, and you can find a solution together.
5) Listen to what they say- Try to really listen to what your partner is saying when they respond to what you’ve told them. It can be easy to get carried away in your head, especially if you feel that this is a difficult or uncomfortable conversation for you.
6) Make a sex schedule- This might sound far stretched but it can help you to have a good sex life. Many a times there is a partner who is over excited when it comes to sex and intimacy while the other is bit less urged; this state of sexual needs eventually result in sexual dissatisfaction of one of the partner. Here the sex calendar helps to keep the balance between the couple.
7) Suggest another way to connect– Not wanting to have sex doesn’t mean you can’t still connect with your partner. You can suggest to cuddle, give them a massage or even just sit with each other and chat. Let them know that you enjoy spending time with them.
Tip to take at the end
Being open and communicating with your partner will lead to happier and more enjoyable sex lives for both of you. Talking about sex is not just helpful; it is also a lot of fun and allows you to develop good intimacy. Remember you can also talk about sex for fun, even when you don’t have an issue to discuss.